Goodbye Shy

On Christmas Eve I went to a party at my boyfriend's aunts house. This was the first time that I was going to see his family in a few months. We don't have the best relationship so whenever I go to see them I get very anxious. The old me would just avoid situations that made me feel uncomfortable. However, I had to face this issue head on. My dad gave me a pep talk where he told me that I can't let other people control my life. I need to be my own person and if they don't like me then it's their loss. He was trying to motivate me and it worked. I went to that party and acted like nothing bothered me. It made me feel good that I was in control of my life. I wanted to go to that party so I went. I actually ended up having a really fun night.

I attended my boyfriend's hall of fame induction. I didn't know anyone in the room except my boyfriend and his parents. Since I'm not from the same town as him I didn't know anyone there so I sat alone while they mingled.  All of a sudden a man sat next to me and we struck up a conversation. We were discussing school, sports, and who I was there for. We ended up talking about where he went to college and I found out that he was in the same fraternity as my dad at Saint Anselm.  I found it really interesting that this man that I just met had known my father for 40 years and I had no idea. It's funny how sometimes the world has a way of introducing you to people that have known your family for years. 

One of my biggest fears in life is public speaking. It was my turn to over come this fear starting in my theatre class. All semester I had to act in front of the class doing group skits; but that was nothing compared to what I faced in my final assignment. I was asked to prepare a two minute monologue for our mock audition that I had to excerpt from one of my favorite films. Standing in front of my class speaking with confidence, enthusiasm and emotion is something I never thought I would be able to accomplish. However, my need for a good grade in theatre class far outweighed my fear of public speaking. 

This holiday season is one of joy and splendor for my family and I. However, I did something that I normally wouldn't do and I think it was for the better.  I went to the mall and did some Christmas shopping by myself! This is completely out of the norm for me and really is something I haven't done before.  I hate being alone in crowded places, so a shopping mall isn't the most ideal place for me. It was such a liberating experience though. I finally achieved some feeling of independence and it was nice to have some time to myself while I shopped for my loved ones.  I felt very mature and it was nice to be able to help my mom and get her Christmas shopping done. 

This week I got a job. I started working at PillPack and I'm very excited about it. PillPack is a company with a lot of people my age, which means I will be meeting a lot of new people. I'm trying to break out of my old ways of waiting people to come and talk to me so I tried something new at my orientation. I challenged myself to start a conversation with at least 5 strangers and it actually wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be. All the people I met were very nice and very interesting and I look forward to working with them. It usually is very hard for me to start a conversation, but we all had a lot in common and I found it easy to relate to the people I met.

Over the past few weeks I truly feel as though my experiment to get over my fear, of putting myself out there, has worked. I feel more confident as to say things I want to say and I feel more able to speak my mind. This week my challenge to put myself out there was to go to dinner alone. This task was very hard for me because going out to dinner is something that no one does alone, it essentially brands you a loser. Which is how I felt for the majority of my dinner. One of the hardest parts was going to the hostess and when she asked "how many?" I had to respond with just one. She gave me a weird look, which I didn't appreciate. I went to the Olive Garden on a Friday night. It was without a doubt one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Everyone was there with their families or on a date. And there I was alone with my salad and breadsticks.  I don't think I will ever do this to myself again, but halfway through the dinner I realized that I was